On Friday, my day was cancelled. While many singers (ahem Ciara) drop albums and no one notices, Beyonce released her album while the whole of America slept and the world went into meltdown. It was the Christmas miracles to end all christmas miracles, the album that critics had said would never be released was given straight to the fans, no promotion, muss or fuss. The album, now available on itunes, brings us 14 new songs and 17 videos. Like any good Beyonce fan I have watched them all on repeat for the last 48 hours, here is the lowdown.
Video Vibe: Gangsta Mean Girls as Beyonce calls on the world’s hottest supermodels to hang out and look amazing. Obviously
Video Moment:When Joan Smalls licks Beyonce. TOO MUCH HOTNESS
Lyrics to Learn:”I sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker”
Video Vibe: Beyonce does burlesque. Jay Z is here too but don’t worry it’s only Bey in the bejewelled thong.
Video Moment: The chair! The leopard print cage! The clothes! The lack of clothes! It doesn’t matter what scene she looks incredible in every single damn shot.
Lyrics to Know: “He likes to call me Peaches when we get this nasty”. No I don’t know what it means either but it sounds GREAT.
Video Vibe: Beyonce leads a revolution with fabulous hair and famous friends (DC members and Pharrell natch)
Video Moment: Queen B as the ultimate superhero – balaclava, underboob and slashed fishnets.
Video Vibe: Beyonce redefines the ‘angry feminist’ stereotype – she wears what she wants, she snarls and she dirty dances in a grimy graffitied basement.
Video Moment: Bey moshing to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie feminist anthem – nobody messes with Queen B.
Lyrics to learn: Simply learn to snarl “God damn, God damn, God damn!”
Video Vibe: Lots of people wearing shirts over their heads like hooligan minor league footballers celebrating.
Video Moment: Once the chorus kicks in and the dancers and graphics just go nuts.
Lyrics to Learn: “Don’t make a big deal out of the little things, ’cause I got big deals and I got little things”
Video Vibe: Bey and Jay drunk dancing on the beach – and dare we say it, strong Rih-Rih vibes.
Video Moment: Beside Beyonce’s moves, Hov’s nonchalance while holding a glass of Cognac and doing the two step.
Lyrics to Learn: “We woke up in the kitchen saying how this s*** happen oh baby”
Video Vibe: High fashion house of horrors.
Video Moment: Beyonce lounging in the bed, looking flawless in lace and suspenders and not much else.
Lyrics to Learn: “Your lucky, the bedrooms is my runway, slap me I’m pinned to the doorway”
Video Vibe: Don’t mess with Texas. Beyonce sashays round town in white fur coat and cowboy hat.
Video Moment: slow mo shots of her Houston homeboys.
Lyrics to Learn: “You’re no angel either baby”
Video Vibe: A sneak peak of all that Brazil has to offer shots of gorgeous beaches, football games and dance offs.
Video Moment: Baby Blue!
Lyrics to Learn: “Come on baby won’t you hold on to me”